I realize that I have ADD, severely. I can’t focus on a damn thing for more than a minute and it drives me crazy.
I have so much desire to do so many things, and I want to do them all at the same time.
For example, today, I was practicing, and the way that I have my room situated I face my bookshelf when I practice. As I am trying to concentrate on the music in front of me I catch sideways glimpses of the books on my shelf. There are quite a few books up there that I haven’t read yet, that I want to read. My desire changes from wanting to practice, which totally does it for me, I love it, it’s what I live for, to wanting to read.
It would be one thing to want to read one of the books that I have, but now I have the desire to read every book on my shelf, all at once. If there was a way for the books to be instantly pumped into my head that would be perfect.
This would explain my compulsion to buy so many books and recordings. I want to devour all music and every bit of information in written form all at once. This could be why I love the internet so much, it is such a passive way to obtain information. Thanks to wikipedia (trustworthy or not) I have a wealth of information at my disposal, and it keeps me enthralled for minutes at a time.
Then I move to my computer and I see my games sitting next to my monitor. The Sims, I haven’t played in a while, still have to design a good neighborhood. Morrowind I haven’t played in a year and would have to probably start over to even remember what the hell I was doing in that game. Grand Theft Auto is good because I can always pick that up and waste some people for a few minutes and feel satisfied.
It is quite frustrating to have a limited amount of time to do things, and wanting to do all of the things that would make you happy all at once because that is the only option. This usually leaves me feeling unsatisfied at the end of the night and I go to bed angry, feeling as though I have accomplished nothing. This despite the fact that I have probably done more in a day than most people do in 2 or 3 or some in an entire week.
My competitive nature would probably be to blame for me feeling unaccomplished. There are just so many things that I want to do that I can’t figure out where to begin, and when I finally do begin I can’t follow through.
This space will no doubt showcase this. I plan on discussing music mostly, with reviews and rants and sharing my thoughts on new tracks and albums as much as I can. This is the plan anyway. I most likely will wait until I have built up a few posts to tell anyone about this URL.
If anyone is out there and reading, welcome to my blog.
